Murphy's Law

Merriam Webster defines "irony" (in the situational sense) as the "(1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result; (2) : Claire's life."

Exhibit A:
I've told you how last Fall the (now ex-) Boy and I decided we wanted to be together after we graduated college this spring. He was accepted to Yale (in New Haven, CT) and when I applied to Teach for America, I listed Connecticut as my most preferred region. I even went so far to tell them he was my fiancé and I had to be with him. It was desperate. It was dumb. It was love.

And then we broke up and all hell broke loose. It's been a month and he's alternated between trying to break me and trying to get me back a dozen times. At this point, all I can do is stay away from him, because when I don't, my feelings for him suck me back in like a black hole. While I can't forget how far he went out of his way to hurt me, I can't erase how much I love him and I can't ignore how happy we made each other the past year.

When I met him a year-and-a-half ago (it was a single, brief moment neither of us forgot: we smiled, shook hands and were introduced by Mr. B and Mr. D, no less) the Universe told me he was important, that he would become a big player in my life. It was three months before we spoke again, and when we did, the Universe told me it was time to jump. And so I jumped and I fell right into his arms. That feeling of direction never went away. It kept me going through countless fights and disappointments throughout our relationship. By breaking up with him, I went against the path I felt the world had set out for me. And before it corrected itself and I was drawn back to him, I started looking for ways to make our separation stick.

That's why I went back to my TFA application and changed my regional preferences, moving Connecticut near the bottom of the list. The fact that it was even made the list was a stubborn taunt to the Universe to challenge my decision to leave him. I never thought I would actually be placed there. The Connecticut corps is comparatively small compared to TFA's forty-two other regions, and I was sure I would end up in New Orleans or New York City or any of the other seven places I ranked before Connecticut. The idea of going somewhere new, somewhere exciting, and somewhere miles away from him gave me an extraordinary sense of hope and excitement for my future. The idea of a future that could never include him gave a finality to my decision and made moving on so much easier. And in some way, it would give me the Universe's indirect blessing to close the door to that path and open myself up to another one.

And then I received an email from Teach for America on Tuesday, offering me a position to teach secondary English in Connecticut. And to put the icing on the cake, I was told that some of the greatest demand for secondary English teachers in Connecticut would be in New Haven.

When I first heard the news, I cried because I was so happy. And then I cried because I was so upset. I have wanted to do Teach for America for years; I will be able to make an impact the lives of my students, help my community and open doors for my future that graduate school would instead close. This is what I want, and I'm going to do it, but the Universe has made it damn clear that there is a price for every blessing. That in order to have one dream fulfilled, I will not get out of another so easily.

The day after I graduate I will get on a plane for Connecticut and begin a new life. But a month later the Boy will also get on a plane for Connecticut and begin a new life, and chances are that we'll be in the same city for at least the next two years. I don't know if it's a sign that we're supposed to get back together or that I'm supposed to learn how to leave him without running away, but it can't just be coincidence that of all the gin joints, in all the towns, he'll walk into mine.