Let's Pay Our Respects

I recently realized that I don't know if I want to be a teacher anymore.  This spurred a downward spiral of hysteria and despair, and not without any casualties (I'm sorry Mr. B, Mr. C, and Mr. D for having to put up with all the different ways I take my crazy out on you).

The past few months have left me stripped of the identity I came with to Los Angeles last Fall, and since the moment I realized I needed to end things the Ex I've been forced to constantly reinvent myself.  After three months of this all I can tell you is that I'm really fucking exhausted, but better for it.  I'm more confident.  I'm more adventurous.  I'm more aware.  I'm also more unsure, unsettled, and scared than ever before.  I know I said I was ready for the world, but that's a big thing to take on.  Today I told someone that I was fighting life.  He replied, "I don't think that's a fight you're going to win.  I would rethink that."

So here is my rethinking.  Instead of clawing my way to the nearest life-plan to cling to for security and life-support, I'm going to try and float for a while.  Without strings.  Without a plan.  This is quite possibly the single most terrifying idea EVER, but I realized how much life I haven't lived because I've never sought out experiences that didn't adhere to THE PLAN:
By age 20: Finish my Bachelor's and begin graduate school
By age 21: Finish my Master's/teaching credential and start teaching
By age 23: Get married and put a down payment on a condo
By age 25: Become pregnant with Child #1
By age 30: Become pregnant with Child #2
By age 35: Become a principal at an elementary school and never do anything more with my life again

Can you begin to see how psychotic I am?

This is my official memorial service for THE PLAN.  Let the bagpipes play because I'm killing it dead and starting fresh.  Here is THE NEW PLAN and it has nothing to do with what I'm going to do with the next ten years but what I'm going to do right now:

-Visit Jenna in Santa Cruz
-Finish the first draft of the book Jenna and I are writing
-Plan a formal dinner so I have an excuse to wear a new dress
-Get a fake ID with Jenna

-Use said fake IDs to go clubbing with Jenna

-Tan all day, err day this summer
-Get a full-time job over the summer
-Use summer earnings to pay for a plane ticket to Paris, France

Ready.  Set.  Go.