Things You'd Rather Not Happen the First Week of School

MONDAY
You arrive late to your first class because you hadn't realized the building its in actually existed during the day until that morning (having only been to that side of campus between the hours of 12:00 A.M. and 2:00 A.M., you had it in your head that it wasn't actually a real part of campus, but a magical fairyland of the night).  The only seat available in the class is RIGHT in front of the professor's podium, explaining its vacancy, permitting you to be up close and personal with the professor as he says things like this:

"Mathew Barney will be at the conference- he's an amazing artist.  He has a very athletic build.  He does a lot of art with his body.  He does a lot of art with vaseline.  Vaseline is a fascinating medium.  Especially in his hands."

TUESDAY
You have a twenty-minute period of time every Tuesday afternoon in which you are scheduled to be in three classes at once.  Wonderfully enough, you fail to be in a single of one said classes because you spend the entire time lost on the wrong side of campus.  Finding yourself at a parking garage that is notorious for not being nowhere near anything, you call the front desk of the lab school you are trying to find and humbly ask the nice lady on the telephone to give you directions as you walk there.

Upon your arrival to the lab school, more than fifteen minutes late to the first day of your teaching internship, you realize that you had started walking out hardly twenty-five yards away.

WEDNESDAY
You cross paths with one of your new professors on the way to their class.  In order to make your mark as a student she should know, you approach her and introduced yourself; only to refer to her by the name of another professor.  You walk to class in shame.

THURSDAY

You enter your discussion and sit down in an empty chair.  You realize that the room is full of women who are absolutely silent.  Trying to break the ice, you say: "A discussion entirely of girls?  I've never seen this before...I guess all of the boys are late, per usual?"

Sixteen pairs of eyes stare blankly at you until the mouth attached to one of them says, "Well I hope not-- seeing as how this is the Girl's Leadership League;"

You race out that door so fast that your things almost fly out of your hands in the hallway outside the door.  Checking your notes, you see that the sign besides the door matches what you've written down as the room number of the discussion.  Cue mini emotional breakdown at the realization that you've written down the wrong room and have no idea where the hell you need to be.  Suddenly a boy walks down the otherwise empty hallway, and fairly certain that he's not going to the Girl's Leadership League, you ask him (with a quiver in your voice and clearly in distress) if he's here for the discussion.  He replies, "Yes," and opens the door to the room next to the one you just left, where the rest of your discussion peers are sitting.  You hang your head, collect yourself, and give him an embarrassed smile.  He holds the door open for you and says, "Enchanté, mademoiselle."

You may be well over your head here, but at least you can say you're never bored?